February 14, 2025
3 min read
The psychology of 'Shared Silence' in couples
The Right Kind of Silence Can Be Golden, Revitalizing and Strengthaning a Relationship
Partners Enjoy a Companionable Moment of Separate Activities.
A Couple Sits Togetra on a Sunny Park Bench. He appears to be study the passing clouds; She's absorbed in a novel. Some Passersby Might Think, How SweetOthers might see them as bleak.
They also be either. Until now, scientists have Mostly Ignored Shared Silences Between Romantic Partners, Concentrating on Verbal Exchanges: How to Discuss Feelings, Negotiate Needs and Deal with Conflict. But according to new research, Silence can be a powerful communicator for couples.
In a series of four studies described in Motivation and Emotion in 2024, psychologist netta weinstein of the united kingdom's university of reading and her collegues asked partnered college students and adults to write about Experiences of Silence With their significant others.
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Weinstein and Her Colleagues Hypothesized that Silences would difficult and in the emotion they generated based on what motivated them. The Research Team Sorted Shared Silences Into Three Types. Intrinsic, Silences Arise Naturally and Comfortable Between Mates, While Introjeted, or Anaxious, Silences Occur when One Person Feels UNCOMFLLS UNCONCE SALELS can come from one partner's wish to shut out or punish the other. Silences can also be spontaneous, or random.
“We don't always need to fill up the space with conversation: Silent Moments Can Be Powerful Ways to Connect.” —Netta weinstein, psychologist
In Weinstein's Investigations, Different Groups of Subjects Reflected on a Recent Silent Episode in their Current Relationship, or on Daily Silent Episodes Over 14 Days. Some Participants were randomly assigned to write about a particular kind of silence, based on whats motivated it, and one group wrote about a wordless from a bad relationship in their past. Participants reported how frequently such Silence Occurred, their Emotions during them – Peaceful, depressed, bored or sad, for example – and how they fell about their relationship.
To indicate why they were not speaking, they could choose even if we arenisc speaking, “” beCause he/she wanted me to be Silent, “” Because I Wanted Him/Her to Feel Bad “and” Because I Didn'T Need to Spener to My Partner to Get Me. “
Three Significant Findings Emerged from the Studies. First – Unsurprisingly – The reason for a Silence was a Major Factor in the episode's impact on the partners' emotions and relationships. Couples who are their Silence as anxious or HOSTLE REPORTED LESS Positive and More Negative Emotion, for example. Second, Intrinsic Silences that Felt Comfortable With Many Positive Emotion and High Ratings of How Well the Relationship Fulfilled their needs.
The third finding was that during these intrinsic silences, positive feelings was “low-arousal”-they were relaxed and peaceful rather than happy or excted.
Weinstein Says She Finds This Last Result Intriguing. Until Now, She Says, Researchers Had Reported That This Kind of Peacefulness BE Achieved Only In Solitude, but it appears that couples who are feel safe day of Togeetherness season to experience it too. The findings show couples that they don't have to see to enjoy alone time.
Another Overall Finding, She Adds, “Is that we don't Always need to fill up the space with conversation: Silent moments can be powerful ways to connect.”
Weinstein and Colleagues “Are Really Looking at a Topic That Has Received Not Nearly as MUCH Attention as It Deserves,” Says Northwestern University Psychological Scientist Claudia Haase, Wrote in the Annual review of developmental psychology on how Couples become better at managing their emotions As they grow older. In her current work, She Studies Couples Interacting in A Lab. Although she has not specifically studied Mutual Silences, She Believes these are filled with meaning, from the refusal to spendak during strength stonwalling to the wordlessness Each other. “
Weinstein notes that partners pay a lot of attention to how what they say can hurt or help their mate, but rarely think about the Ramifications of Silences. Partners might learn something important, for example, if they check out what their quietness means for their mate, Haase adds: One person's comfortable silence may leave their mate feeling ignored or shut out.
Couples can also plan togeether to enable intimate experiences – Perhaps doing something something together that they bot enjoy, thought as reading, hiking up a trail To a Breathtaking Vista or Stretching out and Listening to a Chopin Sonata. “Thos Moments,” Weinstein Says, “Are rich with love and closeness and connection.”
This article originally appeared in Knowable magazineAn Independent Journalistic Endeavor from Annual Reviews. Sign up for the newsletter,
